This morning I woke up and found that if I flapped my arms I could fly. Faster and faster I soared above the clouds. Over the lush green fields and brown mountains I flew with joy. The strong smell of frying sausages filled my nostrils and made me hungry. So I flew back home got dressed and went down to breakfast. The lovely spread in front of me made my mouth water and I went for the sausages like a starved lion. Just as I was about to take my first bite out of it. My blasted alarm clock woke me up. I got dressed in a hurry for work... Tripped... sprained my ankle... missed breakfast... got soaked in the rain... reached work late... and as I climb up to the fourth floor I realize I've forgotten my lunch back home and left the bathroom faucet running.

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Tuesday mornings don’t start much worse than this….

Buzzzzzzzzz ... I'm rudely awoken by what sounds like a whole hive of bees stuffed down my front shirt pocket. Slowly I grapple with consciousness and manage to turn off my cell phone's alarm. Its 3 am. Another hour to go I think to myself. I settle down and make myself comfortable on the seat. Fortunately the chap who was sitting next to me didn’t show up and I have the entire seat to myself

I open the window the cold air slices like a knife against my face, In the flickering light of the street lamps I see the bill boards flash by in a blur. When my brain finally begins to show some activity that’s higher than my kitchen sink I manage to open my eyes enough to focus on one of them it reads "Kundi pan Shop, MADIWALA" dammit! Where am I? This is not where I wanted to go. Full of apprehension I stagger up to the front of the bus. I'm in for a rude shock. Running back I gathered my bags and got out, a few hurried, terse exchanges are all that signal my inglorious ejection from the vehicle.

Shivering and cold i pull my denim jacket closer its 3:10 am and I'm still not sure which direction to take. I Flip a coin and decide to head west. Five minutes down the road the cold is becoming unbearable I actually begin to look back fondly at the warm summer nights in Chennai. Relentlessly I forge ahead against the cold. Another five minutes down I come across a group of auto drivers. They crowd around me like a pack of hyenas scenting a kill. The first one comes up to me and ventures " Kahan jana hai sahib?" with a huge shark like grin that actually says " where ever you go, I'm gonna rob you blind". He then begins sizing me up. I look him straight in the eye and say "Electronic City".

The shark grin gets wider he looks like he couldn’t have heard better news I can actually see how his mind is working. "Ah another software geek bites the dust". "Only Rs 250 saab" he pronounces like it was the best offer in the world. I glare at him and say that he's crazy, he doesn’t seem to notice and repeats like a lame duck "only Rs 250 saab". Hell this was getting me nowhere. So I make a counter offer "how about Rs 100 and we call it even". He shuffles off muttering something about psycho engineers who cant see a good thing even if it whacks them across the face.

Braving the cold I stand and stare around for the next few minutes. Finally he comes back and concedes "ok saab for you only Rs 200 last", I stare at him and finally concede with another counter "how about Rs 150 then" he thinks about it for the next few seconds and reluctantly agrees to take me.

One problem solved, Now for the second "is that hound of a friend of mine gonna be up at this ungodly hour or am I gonna be made to wait outside his door for another couple of hours???" as these doubts swirl around my head I think about how nice things would have been if I had just gotten things right, I sure wouldn’t be stuck in this wretched place, in this lousy mess that I was now in and as if to drive it home, the blue-grey smoke from a passing truck swells into a ford, enveloping me in a blanket of smoke that warms me and chokes me at the same time.

Forty-five minutes later I'm shivering like crazy & frozen to the bone but I've arrived the light in the living room tells me that the sleepiest hound in hell is actually up watching some crazy restricted channel most of the night. Thanking god for all the illegal crap that he put on this earth I hurriedly pay the auto driver.

The sardonic comments as I heard getting down still run in my mind. "How could I have been so dumb?" I still remember it so clearly as I staggered up to the bus conductor.

"Where are we?" I had asked

"Koramangala bhai" came the reply

"When did we pass EC?”

"hehehuhawhaw"

He let-out a deep bellow of laughter, gave me a pitying look and said "that went past 20 Km ago"

"Shit"

MY RESUME

Name: Nishath Ahmed Khan

Age: 22

Qualifications: Btech IT

About Me:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Pakistani refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I get drunk on apple juice for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in my College.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted for the Indian Cricket team, I am the subject of numerous Natural Geographic documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after Coll, I repair Thermonuclear devices for the govt free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact Taichi. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only tomato sauce and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I Dont Yet Have a Job.

I've been having a dream,

and although I realize that it's only a dream,

I can't seem to wake out of it .

trapped in this place,

between heaven and hell.

there's no escape no exit.

I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life here

Here in this life - This Purgatory

Corporate life is bad for your digestion
10:39 Am IST its still raining cats and dogs in Mumbai where my corp. HQ is located. So naturally all the happy people there are spending some quality time with their families. Alas we here in Chennai, Who aren’t blessed with such a lovely deluge are destined to spend our days redefining the term "JOBLESS". Solitaire, spider solitaire and free cell have consumed my attention, over the past 2 days. Now after a continuous losing streak since morning I’m left with no other Choice but to abandon my pursuits and retrospect, hence this blog.Things did come to a head yesterday when I took a German out for dinner to an Italian restaurant hosted by a Nepali, served by an Punjabi and that had food prepared by a Chinese (though I have a sneaking suspicion he was Thai). To make things worse the dumb place turned out to be vegetarian. So there I had to sit and pick my way through most of the veggie section of their pantry I made a hasty bid to escape when this dork invited me to his hotel to taste the best dessert he had eaten so with a wide grin on my face I tagged along and waited in the patio. He was some time before he returned and placed a huge bowl of fruit with crisp frozen veggies topped in chocolate sauce!!! That was a sight that would make a brave man quiver in fear, let me say I was no different, especially after what I had gone through (or if you prefer eaten through).Needless to say my fine friends I’m now an affirmed Veggie hater after last nights affront to my digestive system I’m reeling from the shock, but plz don’t worry I’m well on my way to recovery under the care of that gift to the gastronomic juices my mom…. Hmmm
Lunch time now g2g to this new Chinese joint across the road …

Nishath