The Inconsequential Loudmouth

Buzzzzzzzzz ... I'm rudely awoken by what sounds like a whole hive of bees stuffed down my front shirt pocket. Slowly I grapple with consciousness and manage to turn off my cell phone's alarm. Its 3 am. Another hour to go I think to myself. I settle down and make myself comfortable on the seat. Fortunately the chap who was sitting next to me didn’t show up and I have the entire seat to myself

I open the window the cold air slices like a knife against my face, In the flickering light of the street lamps I see the bill boards flash by in a blur. When my brain finally begins to show some activity that’s higher than my kitchen sink I manage to open my eyes enough to focus on one of them it reads "Kundi pan Shop, MADIWALA" dammit! Where am I? This is not where I wanted to go. Full of apprehension I stagger up to the front of the bus. I'm in for a rude shock. Running back I gathered my bags and got out, a few hurried, terse exchanges are all that signal my inglorious ejection from the vehicle.

Shivering and cold i pull my denim jacket closer its 3:10 am and I'm still not sure which direction to take. I Flip a coin and decide to head west. Five minutes down the road the cold is becoming unbearable I actually begin to look back fondly at the warm summer nights in Chennai. Relentlessly I forge ahead against the cold. Another five minutes down I come across a group of auto drivers. They crowd around me like a pack of hyenas scenting a kill. The first one comes up to me and ventures " Kahan jana hai sahib?" with a huge shark like grin that actually says " where ever you go, I'm gonna rob you blind". He then begins sizing me up. I look him straight in the eye and say "Electronic City".

The shark grin gets wider he looks like he couldn’t have heard better news I can actually see how his mind is working. "Ah another software geek bites the dust". "Only Rs 250 saab" he pronounces like it was the best offer in the world. I glare at him and say that he's crazy, he doesn’t seem to notice and repeats like a lame duck "only Rs 250 saab". Hell this was getting me nowhere. So I make a counter offer "how about Rs 100 and we call it even". He shuffles off muttering something about psycho engineers who cant see a good thing even if it whacks them across the face.

Braving the cold I stand and stare around for the next few minutes. Finally he comes back and concedes "ok saab for you only Rs 200 last", I stare at him and finally concede with another counter "how about Rs 150 then" he thinks about it for the next few seconds and reluctantly agrees to take me.

One problem solved, Now for the second "is that hound of a friend of mine gonna be up at this ungodly hour or am I gonna be made to wait outside his door for another couple of hours???" as these doubts swirl around my head I think about how nice things would have been if I had just gotten things right, I sure wouldn’t be stuck in this wretched place, in this lousy mess that I was now in and as if to drive it home, the blue-grey smoke from a passing truck swells into a ford, enveloping me in a blanket of smoke that warms me and chokes me at the same time.

Forty-five minutes later I'm shivering like crazy & frozen to the bone but I've arrived the light in the living room tells me that the sleepiest hound in hell is actually up watching some crazy restricted channel most of the night. Thanking god for all the illegal crap that he put on this earth I hurriedly pay the auto driver.

The sardonic comments as I heard getting down still run in my mind. "How could I have been so dumb?" I still remember it so clearly as I staggered up to the bus conductor.

"Where are we?" I had asked

"Koramangala bhai" came the reply

"When did we pass EC?”

"hehehuhawhaw"

He let-out a deep bellow of laughter, gave me a pitying look and said "that went past 20 Km ago"

"Shit"